I wanted to make a YouTube video on this topic for quite a long time. I make my videos without scripts. This topic is a bit hard for me to do without a script, as I don’t want it to sound rehearsed. There may be a video on this someday but for now, it’ll just be on this blog.
I have had depression for a long time. And most of the time, I was pretty good at hiding it. Before I dressed up in J-Fashion, I looked like this every day. I barely brushed my hair and had a pretty scruffy look.
I’m a writer outside of YouTube and wrote stories and came up with ideas in my spare time. This was a means of escapism, from my peers.I really felt isolated in Highschool. It just wasn’t a good environment for me. I wasn’t too into fashion because I felt as if in Highschool, you simply dressed for others instead of yourself. High School is when people begin to really start expressing their sexuality through clothing. I walked in the hallways and was barraged by cleavage and muscles.
People are entitled to dress however they’d like, whether it be showing a bit of skin or not. I have seen things from both sides. I was called a prude and felt pressured to show a bit more skin. But showing skin just isn’t my thing.
Depression made it difficult for me to go about my day or take care of my own appearance. I really got into anime around his time and frequented YouTube–this was before I really started uploaded. I loved watching the YouTuber, Lovelylor. Her ” Shit Lolita Says” made me laugh and although I was not in the fashion at the time, they were still hilarious. This made me curious about the fashion and resulted in my own discovery of other Lolita YouTubers. They taught me the basics of the fashion and it all sort of spiraled from there. Except I didn’t really have any dresses at the time.
I was browsing the website Mandarake by chance and came across a Baby The Stars Shine Dress for a really cheap price:
The dress arrived and I remember being really impressed with the quality. The print was vivid and beautiful. Except at the time, I knew only that the dresses were ‘one size fits all’ and wasn’t familiar with Lolita data bases like Lolibrary that showed measurements. The dress barely fit me in the bust area but I remember it made me feel really beautiful.
I think everyone is entitled to feel beautiful and I’m happy to have found something that makes me feel this way. Lolita fashion has introduced me to a community of people who have similar hobbies. I’ve met friends and become closer to one’s that I already have. Although depression is an illness that I have, lolita fashion gives me the motivation to dress up a little more in my every day life.